WORD OF NOTİCE.
To write blog posts ! Voice opinions, express feelings, thoughts, and so on.
Why ?
A long time ago, as a boy of 15, I had a personal blog; one could almost have called it an online diary. It was the age of Myspace and Msn Messenger; my generation had found a very effective tool of expression in the humble (and much less pathological) beginnings of social media.
The few people who know me closely will know that love was the main subject of my life until about my mid - twenties, which was when I started to make Music a number one priority, realizing one can not attach infinite ideals and utopias into finite bodies. Without that blog, where I once had the courage to express myself fully, I would have never met my first love. This meeting was of importance because it also became a catalyst for me to come back to Music in the end of my teen years.
I seek to find this courage again. In life, and in here as a result. In the end, I have come to the kitsch belief that any amount of self expression is only valuable when shared with another consciousness; that an artist will never thrive and / or fulfill his mission by creating secret works just for himself, disillusioned with the world, isolated.
This internet site is also a mirror idea of this decision. For a long time, I was trapped in insane perfectionism and didn’t create or share anything, anywhere, in any medium, digital or earthly. Why conduct if it’s not better than Claudio Abbado ? Why compose if not to surpass the heights reached by Beethoven in his final sonata ? Why play the piano after having had coffee in Martha Argerich’s home, turned pages for her, watched her play ? Why write if it’s not as enthralling as Garcia Marquez ? Why voice opinions if they lack undefeatable arguments ? Why create ? Why love ? Why live ?
Ay, there’s the rub.
After a long and painful examination of myself, I understood that ’perfectionism’ was just a fancy word for fear: a self defence mechanism to justify one’s cowardice in creating, sharing, living, loving. As it customarily is, I was led to such a state by events, such as past thorns in the heart, a familial tragedy making me look at the concepts of evil and death very very closely, etc.
An artist fearful and unable to express himself ? Really ? Where does that fit in the godly ideals of perfectionism ?
No more.
Please treat these pages (that will come in this blog, mostly about Music, and personal things too, when I gather the courage) with a grain of salt. Whenever I have very strong opinions, thoughts or emotions, I have learned to hear a second voice in my head that makes fun of ‘myself’ and says: ‘Look at this curious fellow, all sure about subjective matters (art, feelings…) in an universe (whose reality is quite questionable in the realm of quantum physics, apparently) where the only certainty seems to be change. I hope you will hear that voice too, and judge me accordingly. And I hope that my attempted courage will be contagious, and that you will also seek to find the voice of your heart.
DOE
